I dont know if I can do another cycle and have it end up the same as the last 22 cycles. Ive been pretty emotional all day long. Baby shower was a joke. I took a deep breath right before I walked in, and there she was, in all her baby glory and as soon as I hugged her, it all came crashing down. I started bawling. I think I freaked her out a little bit. I told her that I was sorry, but that this was going to be really hard for me (I havent told her about anything that is going on, considering how close we have been...ha). So, I regained my composure without darting out the door and leaving. Walked in and sat by myself. However, she actually came and sat by me, which really shocked me. I did leave early though because I needed to get to a family gathering. As I was leaving, I filled her in a little bit and told her that AF decided to come to town today. She then said, "it's just not in God's will right now. Everything happens when it's his will." Yeah, I definitely could have punched her in the face for that comment. So, then to add salt to the wound she says, "You just need to be patient, your time will come." WTF!!!!!!!????? Are you freaking kidding me??!! I told her that was easier said than done and I left.
Just want everyone to know that my best friend is the greatest. I called her as soon as I left (she was the one who told me I shouldnt go in the first place, she was right). She just sat and listened to me as I blubbered on through the crying. She knows just what to say and when to say it. I somewhat calmed down through our conversation. But I just want everyone to know how much I love her. She has always been there for me no matter what and I really appreciate her taking the time today for me.
Well, I guess I will hear from the doctor's office tomorrow about where we go from here. I have lots of questions to ask them before this cycle. Im sure I sounded like a blubbering idiot on their voicemail, but I would think they are probably used to that by now.
We are going camping over the 4th and I really am way past ready for it. It's really nice to just get away for a long weekend without really having to spend any money other than for food to take with. I will get to spend the weekend with Bon and maybe we can drown our sorrows in something a little bit stronger than caffeine :). We shall see. Oh and thank you everyone for all of your comments, they tend to keep me going.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
I'm so sorry the baby shower was hard.
****BIG HUG****
Ugh. I am sorry you had to go to a BS today during all of this. All of the "bump worship" can drive a person insane. I can't believe her comments. It really drives home the constant phrase, "if you don't have IF you can't possibly understand." People are morons. Is it in God's will that people get cancer? How about miscarry? Having IF is completely AGAINST God's will because His will is for us to have families. You should have told her that. People think they can throw out a little God wisdom because they're pregnant or have kids so they are the experts and it's supposed to make you feel so much better. Whatever. You and I know more about the female and male reproductive systems than some people will ever know.
Sorry for the rant. I need a beer. Kyle and I are going to load up some goodies for camping. We're only staying one night because I hate camping but we are going to mainly hang out with you guys. ;)
Post a Comment