Thursday, December 25, 2008
Oh by the way...2 more pregnancy announcements on top of that. One due in June and the other due in July. Bummer.
**For a few people that read my blog and get a little confused, I have included a link on the sidebar that takes you to the abbreviations. Sorry bout that S!
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
So, Im sure you can guess why I would be just a little depressed right now. My brother and sister have both completed their families and I have yet to have even one new addition. It makes me feel worthless, like I have nothing to contribute. So, of course I have been a little depressed for the past few days.
Last night, I think, was the worst. I called my mom and they were all having dinner at my g-ma's house. She told me I could come over, but it felt like she was only saying that because I had called. Which, really, that is the only reason. The phone would not have been picked up to invite me otherwise. So I refused and she said that she would see me tomorrow (today). Then she told me to find my "Holiday Cheer". I informed her that I didnt really have any holiday cheer for this year. I was told that I had to make myself find it. Gee, thanks for your support, mom.
Hanging up the phone, I realized that I am just a little bit more down in the dumps than I had thought. Fantastic. Im trying, I really am. I dont want to be depressed, but I definitely cant help it.
Friday, December 19, 2008
Well, just doing my bloodwork scared the shit out of AF because she is here. And dangit, she is being a pain already! So, of course my bloodwork showed that I was not pregnant and if I didnt start my period within the next few days, I was going to have to fill a prescription for Premarin (i think that's how you spell it). Well, none of that will be going on. AF has reered her ugly head.
Now I definitely know there is no mistake that I could be pregnant. Looks like I might be spending some personal time with the heating pad tonight.
I get to babysit my neice tonight also. This is my sister's daughter. She is adorable and I dont get to see them that often because they live in North Carolina. She has been here for a couple of weeks staying with my mom while my sister recovered from her partial hysterectomy. Not sure what we will do tonight, but we will find something!
Thursday, December 18, 2008
I dont know if I can keep doing this. It just feels like we arent ever going to get there. Emotionally, Im not sure if I can handle it anymore.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Spoke with the nurse at my Dr. office. Im supposed to wait a couple more days, and if AF has not shown, then I have to call back in and they will do some bloodwork and then see if they need to force my period to start. Not cool. So that's all I know for now, I still feel the same as I did earlier.
Im calling Dr. B today to let them know, but Im sure they will just say wait it out. Not really sure what to do from here. Im just waiting. I have yet to have any symptoms saying that AF is arriving. Of course, she usually launches a surprise attack anyway. I usually get some hints, but nothing this time. Rrrrrrrrrr!!!!! This is soooo frustrating!
On a another note, I am still not done with my Christmas shopping. I only have a few more people to get though. Two of them being gift cards. Hopefully I will be finishing that within the next couple of days. Mixed in with work, teaching colorguard, wrapping the other gifts I already have, etc. You know, that nice busy schedule.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Lets answer the question of what happens next...Well, that's a good question because, you see, right now we are at a stand still. I am at the end of my cycle waiting for AF to come, but praying that she wont show her ugly face. There hasn't been any sign of her to this point. I usually have spotting a few days before she comes and I've had nothing. I guess we will see.
So back to the question...we wait for one. After we have waited and if AF does show up, which honestly Im not expecting anything different, then we will start saving our pennies. Yes, that's right, all of them. Now, the big question is do we do another IUI cycle and throw $3000 down the drain if it doesnt work or do we wait and keep saving up for a (at least) $13,000 IVF cycle? Hmmm.....pondering. Hubby doesnt think we should do another IUI. He is now being the pessimistic one (which doesnt help because that's my job!).
If this is another busted cycle, Im back on BCP's until we decide where we will go from here. I know how the IUI's work, so I got the information on IVF. I dont want to have to go there. Not only does our insurance not pay for any of it, we will also have to travel 3 hours away for the actual procedures (Indianapolis).
Today was the first time that I have apologized to my DH. I apologized for being broken. For not being able to give him what we want. He didnt say anything. Today was the first day in a couple months that I have cried over my IF. We might get through this...only time will tell.
Friday, December 5, 2008
I almost feel like I have to explain myself for why I cant come up with something that I would like to have for Christmas this year. My MIL called today to ask about my hubby's wish list and then proceeds to say, "You really havent given me any ideas this year yet. Is there anything you would like to have?" My response....uhhhh....ummmm....I don't know. I mean, I dont really need anything and there isnt really anything material wise that I cant go without out. What I want for Christmas you cant really help out with. By the way, my MIL is the most understanding woman I have probably ever met in my life. I love her. She gets it. By the way....she had endometriosis also.
Im sure Im not the only one who has these same feelings. It's just going to be really hard if I have to spend the holidays knowing that we have had yet another unsuccessful cycle and Im back on the BCP's. The holiday season is all about being with family. Im ready to start our own family traditions. That really is what it's all about.
DH goes in on Monday for another SA. We both get to meet with Dr. B on Wednesday. We will review the analysis and hopefully our results will be much better. DH's 90 days are up on Monday. Im sure he will be cracking open a few as soon as he can. He has done really, really well!