Sunday, November 23, 2008

Im Thankful For...

With Thanksgiving fastly approaching here in a few days, I think that it's important that I take a look around and make a list of all the things that I am truly thankful for. Everything in my life has been filled with negativity since we discovered our Infertility. I have such negative feelings every month because of so many unsuccessful cycles that I need to come out of my slump if only for a moment.

So, without further ado here are a few things that I am thankful for in my life...

1. My husband. He is my best friend and of course, my soul mate. Im not really sure what I would do without him. I say this a lot, but I really would be lost without him around. He has been the rock that keeps me going. He is usually the one that stays strong when we have had another failed cycle. He is there to comfort me and give me my space. He may not always have the answers, but he tries and he tries harder than anyone I know. I love him so much.

2. My Family. This includes my mom, dad, MIL, FIL, sister, brother, SIL's, BIL's. They have been wonderful. They may not always understand what I am going through, but most of the time they do what they can. I know that I can always count on them to be there when I am having a hard time. Without them in my life, I would not be the person who I am today.

3. My Friends. The first one, I have known since my freshman year of high school. Through the years, we have grown closer and closer and I consider her to be my best friend. We have been through a lot together, both good times and bad. We have kept each other company when times have been rough. I wish we could be closer (distance wise). I love you, L.
I met my other best friend my freshman year of college. I dont think either one of us were sure we would get along because we were so different at first glance, but everything worked out wonderfully. I really wish we could see each other more (hopefully I will be up there this weekend!!). No matter how long we go without talking, we can always pick back up where we left off. I am truly grateful for her friendship!

4. My Job. Without my employment, we would not be able to survive! A social worker's salary is definitely nothing to brag about, but it helps pay the bills. And man, do we have some bills now! Im glad that I can say that I have a job where I can truly help those who need it. It's very rewarding and humbling.

5. My Health. Ive hit a couple bumps these past couple of weeks, but they are minor things. All in all, Im pretty healthy (not counting my infertility). My hubby is also very healthy. We really only have our seasonal colds to not look forward to, so that I am thankful for!

6. I have a roof over my head. There are definitely people out there who do not. I work with them every day. Now is the time of year where it's crucial we identify those individuals and make sure they can survive the winter. DH and I are not in jeopardy of losing our wonderful home which is a blessing. We are able to maintain.

7. My life in general. Excluding the infertility piece, I feel blessed to have been through all the good and the bad that have made me what I am today. Without my parents, I wouldnt be here today. Without my husband, life would be incomplete.

That was an odd number, but those are the things that stick out right now. There are so many other things that could be added to this post, but I dont want to ramble :) I will leave it at that for now. And...welcome all ICLW's!!!

Friday, November 21, 2008


I cant link to the person who tagged me for this, but lets just say that I am glad she is in my life. She is the one that got me started blogging and it's been such a wonderful emotional outlet for me!! So thank you B :)

Answer the following questions with single word responses. Then pass on the award to 7 other bloggers:

1. Where is your cell phone? Desk
2. Where is your significant other? Work
3. Your hair color? Brown
4. Your mother? Home
5. Your father? Home
6. Your favorite thing? Chocolate
7. Your dream last night? Breathing
8. Your dream/goal? Mother
9. The room you’re in? Office
10. Your hobby? Guard
11. Your fear? Barren
12. Where do you want to be in six years? Mother
13. Where were you last night? Instructing
14. What you’re not? Well
15. One of your wish list items? Peaceofmind
16. Where you grew up? Cornfields :)
17. The last thing you did? Ate
18. What are you wearing? Clothes
19. Your T.V.? On
20. Your pet? Rotten
21. Your computer? Decent
22. Your mood? Okay
23. Missing someone? Always
24. Your car? SUV
25. Something you’re not wearing? Shoes
26. Favorite store? Target
27. Your Summer? Emotional
28. Love someone? Definitely
29. Your favorite color? Red
30. When is the last time you laughed? Yesterday
31. Last time you cried? Tonight

The People I Tag:
2. Mel
4. Zoe

On the Up!!

Im finally beginning to feel better. Yesterday was an upswing and today was even better. Which is a great thing, because we begin our official rehearsals for winterguard tomorrow. Yay! :)

Things have been waaay too quiet around here without me having to do something at least every other night for the past two weeks. Go figure! Especially since hubby is on 2nds. Which, by the way, I do not enjoy at all.

So I am on CD8 today. I know, I started keeping track this cycle. It's our last chance. Yes, our last chance for us to succeed. I really wish that I could refuse to go back on BCP. However, it's inevitable unless I want my endo to come back quicker. Which I have reached my "limit" of time per my doctor for me to be off BCP and not be pregnant to keep it from coming back. We definitely cant afford to to do another IUI right now. It really sucks. I know I have said this several times before.

Im scared. Ive also said this before too. Im scared that we arent ever going to be able to have children of our own. Everyone throws the option of adoption out there like it's so easy (mainly family and friends who dont know any better). Well, if you dont have the money to do it, then no, it's not that easy. Plus, hubby really wont even discuss that option at this point.

So, we wait. Until then, I have to get through the holidays with a couple of babies being ooh'd and aah'd over. I might have to excuse myself at those families for a few minutes. Especially if we do not have any good news of our own to share. Well, actually, if we have good news, we wont be sharing it that soon. But it definitely would make things a whole heck of a lot easier.

Okay, Im rambling. And it's been a really boring post. Really sorry for all you ICLW readers! I promise to post some good stuff in the next few days. Oh...and I need to do a couple of tags! Whoo hoo!!

Wednesday, November 19, 2008


This cold is not going away. It's only been a couple days, but it made me miss another day and a half of work. I hate being sick! I feel so worthless. I have been doped up on Nyquil since last night and feel like a walking zombie. It does help me sleep though, so that's a plus. I just really hope that I dont get my hubby sick. He, unlike me, does not get sick days at work. I can get up to 24 a year though, which is really, really nice. Before last week I think I had about 15 accumulated.

Im slowly starting to feel better. I really hope that I can go back to work tomorrow. This has definitely put a nice little damper on the sex life. :) Kidney infection last week, AF came to town on Friday, and now this nasty cold. Hoping I get better soon so we can get down to business for this cycle!

This is our last chance by the way. Before I have to go back on BCP. It would be really nice if I didnt have to do that. Well, time to go take some more meds and go back to bed. Hopefully nice and refreshed for tomorrow. That would be great!

Monday, November 17, 2008

Recooperated...And Now

I. Have. A. Flipping. Cold!!!! WTF!! I dont think I will ever win, at anything. Im not even done taking my antibiotics from my lovely kidney infection and I develop a damn cold. So I had to call my Aunt, the Pharmacist to make sure it was okay for me to take cold medicine with my antibiotic. And of course, it's alright, but I just wanted to make sure for my own sanity.

So, does anyone care for an update on my weekend? Of course you do! My niece and nephew were wonderful. My nephew (1 1/2) was extremely clingy, and I l-o-v-e-d it! Haha, it's amazing really. How I long for those moments when you have a little one following you around the house wherever you go always wanting to be by your side. Never letting you out of his sight. It was fabulous. (H, Im sure you are reading this, so thank you for letting me babysit this weekend. I thoroughly enjoyed my time with them) However, they only stayed for one night. I was not up to 100% yet, and my niece wanted to stay with Nana and Papa (my Mom and Dad) for a night, so they went over there on Saturday. Which also brightened up my parents weekend :)

We then had company on Sunday. Hubby's cousin and his wife were in town with the new baby. He is just about a month old. Hubby is a natural by the way as evidenced in the picture below. I could almost see the longing in his eyes when he held baby E and it broke my heart. Knowing that for whatever reason, I cant give him what we both want and long for.
We were very curious to see how Blaze would respond to a baby in the house. He was wonderful!! He was as gentle as could be :) When they first arrived, he just had to sniff to figure out just what was being brought into his house. He only licked him once, and that was on the back of the head. Every other time he would just place his nose right next to his cheek and then go about his business. It just proves that he will be wonderful with a baby in the house! Im sure he will be very protective when the time comes.

That's all for now. I have a tag that I need to do, but it is waaaaaaay past my bedtime. I will never want to get up in the morning! Goodnight! :)

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Feeling Better

So Im feeling better today. I stayed home from work again because my back is still hurting pretty badly. I figured if I was still needing my pain pills, I probably should not be going to work. But everything else is looking up. My pee is nice and orange from one of my antibiotics. It's kind of creepy. :)

Im still babysitting this weekend. I should be much better tomorrow. I really cant wait.

Im not sure what is going on with my cycle now. I had not even a half day of bleeding and havent bled since. Im thinking this infection is going to mess my system up nice and good. So I can probably kiss this cycle goodbye and just resign myself to the fact that I will be going back on BCP. Which is just wonderful. By the way...holidays are going to be just wonderful this year. Babies everywhere I turn around.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

It's Official...One Lovely Kidney Infection For Me

My predictions were correct. At about 3 this morning I woke up with a pretty severe pain in the middle of my back on my left side. I could not go back to sleep because I couldnt get comfortable with the pain. I went into the living room with my heating pad hoping that would help, but it didnt, at all.

Hubby and I went into the urgent care first thing (about 8) and the pain was steadily increasing. They did a pee test and ruled out a bladder infection. The doctor did some pushing and thumping on my bladder and back (right where it was hurting, ouch). Oh yeah, they also did a pregnancy test just in case...BFN. Big shocker there. Next came a little blood drawing from the finger. My white blood cells were above what they should be and a couple other things were elevated, so the doctor said he was going to give me a shot. Right in the bum.

While waiting for the nurse to come back in for the shot, my pain was steadily getting worse. While of course, I was fighting the urge to pee. By the time she came back in, I was in tears. She tried to tell me the shot wouldnt be bad. It was definitely not the shot I was worried about. Im a pro at those! The crappy thing was I had to wait for 20 minutes before I could leave the doctor after my shot. They had to monitor me to make sure I didnt have a bad reaction.

We then drove our way to the pharmacy. By the time we got there, I couldnt hardly stand up. Sitting down wasnt working for me either. 15 minutes later we are heading out the door to come back home with me almost bawling because I was in so much pain.

Tried to fix something to eat when I got home so I didnt take all my medicine on an empty stomach. 10 minutes later the pain literally made me sick to my stomach. Finally, my medicine started kicking in, probably along with the shot. I was able to get some rest most of today. My back had stopped hurting, but started again around 5 or so. Im ready to be able to take more medicine. I took a pain pill (doctor said it was okay and advised that I take them), so Im feeling okay right now. Im a little nauseous at the present. And my bum hurts :( Other than that, Im alright. Not sure about work tomorrow. Im gonna have to play it by ear. I just cant believe it hit me so fast.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Just Another Cycle to Add to the List

Well...I only made it to Day 26 this cycle. Which is kind of odd...Im normally a 28-30 day cycler. I dont have my normal pain in the butt cramps, but for the past week I have been peeing like freaking crazy!!! Tonight, I am about to go nuts it's so bad. I seriously think it's time to go to the Doctor for a little UTI/Bladder Infection test. The only problem...I dont really have a family doctor. I know, that's probably bad. I have just never bothered to get one. I might have to drive my happy butt to the Mec. Because whatever is wrong with me...has got to be fixed asap!

I would have POAS, but every time I potty, there isnt enough that comes out to even get a good read. Okay, maybe I should test in the morning just for the fun of it? Yeah, can you see how pessimistic I am? It's pretty bad, but I think I have resigned myself to the fact that it isnt going to happen without medical intervention. Oh wait, it hasnt even happened with that!

Hubby and I have one more cycle for me to get pregnant. That is, before I am forced to go back on BCP. I dont want to. Please dont make me have to go back on BCP!! I am begging! Everyone keeps saying it only takes one. Well, I wish that one little guy would find his way to my nice little egg, bust through, and settle in for the long haul!

I have a headache. Im going to bed. Hopefully I can refrain from peeing enough to get some sleep.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Rest, Relaxation, and.....Politics, yuck!!! (This is not normal for me, you must read on!)

Wanted to let everyone know that hubby has made it past the 60 day mark!! Whoo hoo!! Let's all rejoice in unison!! Go hubby go!! :) I know, Im cheesy at times.

It was a good weekend. I did a whole lot of nothin! And enjoyed every single flipping minute of it! Should I have done housework? Oh yes I should have, but I did not! It was my first weekend where I did not have to get up at the ass crack of dawn on a Saturday only to return home close to midnight. It was fabulous! So, I guess you could say that I was lazy, lazy, lazy! Oh well! I will definitely make up for it within the next couple of days. I am trying to get winterguard stuff going and I get to clean the house all this week. In preparation for.....drum roll please....

Wait for it.....

Wait for it.....

(Kind of sounds like Im talking to Blaze holding a piece of food) ....


My neice and nephew are spending the ENTIRE weekend with me! Im so excited!!! I even get to pick them up from their babysitter. This is the first time that they will have spent an entire weekend with Aunt Meghann. I cant wait! I will take lots of pictures too by the way :) I want everyone to know this is a huge step for my brother. He was really reluctant about me babysitting (I think I mentioned this before) because of Blaze. He thought that he was way too big to be around his kids. He just gets a little excited sometimes, but will eventually wind down and be okay. I think my nephew was only knocked down a couple times the last time I babysat. Poor Blaze got the most...he was whacked upside the head with a truck a couple of times. I promise he's okay!

On another note, this is not something I usually discuss, but feel it necessary to vent and possibly get some feedback...My parents and I got into a huge argument on Saturday, right in the middle of the restaurant, about Politics. Politics!! Yeah, it's done, it's over, but they are bitter. Not my problem. I tried to drop the subject because I had been trying to avoid it since the election and had done well thus far. Not really sure how we got on the subject, but we did. Well, I do, but I wont go into that. It was kind of stupid. By the way, my parents reached an incredibly new low on Saturday. I never thought I would hear the words come out of their mouths. Okay, let me rephrase this. I never thought I would hear the words come out of my dad's mouth. But wait, I apparantly have forgotten the town/county that I grew up in! I really hope no one takes this personally, because these are NOT my beliefs. The words flowed so easily right there, in the middle of the restaurant. My dad says, "Do you really want a Black running the White House and our Country?". I immediately was on the defensive. I told my dad he was racist and that I was not going to sit and listen to him talk like that. So he then says, "You really dont want a President who associates with terrorists, do you?" Really, dad, did you even try to do any research?? Because apparantly not. I really could feel my blood boiling!

So I give my two cents about their candidates. Since, of course we were going to play that game. All I said was that I didnt trust Palin and her ideals. So my mother jumps down my throat. I try to drop the subject, but she insists. So, I tell her that I do not feel like a Government should have the right to control what a woman does with her body. I truly believe that a woman has the right to choose. So what does she throw in my face?? "I cant believe that you have been trying so hard to have a baby, but you feel like other women can just kill theirs because they want too. There are other options!" you mean to tell me that if a woman is raped, she should not be able to have the decision to abort the baby? My mother says no, she shouldnt.

Im a strong supporter of Pro-Choice. Obviously the parents are not. Im a strong supporter of Gay/Lesbian rights. Who am I to decide what love is? My parents are not. There are so many other things that we disagree on, it's crazy. It never should have progressed to what it did, but they took it to a whole other level. I really thought that my mother was going to be in tears because her baby girl has different views than she does. I think she almost was. I even got the lecture of "You were not brought up this way. You were raised in a strong Christian church. You should not be supporting these things." Well, newsflash, people grow up and actually experience different worlds. I just could not believe the conversation.

I know there are other people out there who are conservative and I have no problem with that. I do not usually discuss politics at all with people. I just dont like to. Who really does? I was just really mad and felt like I was being attacked. Obviously that was not the whole conversation, but just a small piece. Wish I could have had a recorder on hand!

If you stuck with all of that, bravo! And thank you for listening/reading my vent! If you have any insight/comment please feel free to let me know. I will try to not take offense so long as they are not personal attacks on my beliefs :) Im pretty open minded, I promise. I will definitely take the time to hear anyone out for whatever reason. So I have went on long enough...

Friday, November 7, 2008


Well...sort of :) The one thing I hate about Fridays is that my hubby doesnt get to spend them with me anymore. Since he started 2nd shift, he works every Friday. When he was on 3rd shift, his week started Sunday night and ended Friday morning, unless he was working the weekend. That part was really nice.

So...tonight has been pretty boring. This week has been a "not really sure what to do with myself" week. I dont have marching band ruling my life any more and winterguard doesnt start until the week of the 17th. Im grasping for things to do. I do not like idle time. I get bored way too easily! Then, when I get bored, I tend to spend money on things I dont really need, which is killing me right now because we are a little strapped this month so no extra spending! :) Im hanging in there though.

I just wanted to inform everyone that the couple (hubby's cousin and gf) that I said was pregnant a few posts ago, had a miscarriage. She was about 3 months along, but the baby was only measuring about 6 weeks. This is her second miscarriage within about 9 months. It might not be a good sign for the future.

Can I just say Im dreading Christmas? We are broke. Well, not totally broke, we can pay our bills and have some extra money, but it's gonna be hard to do much extra for Christmas this year. You know, considering Insurance doesnt cover jack on my treatments. So we have dug ourselves a nice little cozy hole where we will be paying anything extra we have for the next at least 6 months. And we have nothing to show for it.

Im still doing really well with the baby situation. Can I just live vicariously through my clients who have babies? Just not living in a shelter and receiving Food Stamps/TANF part :) Im kidding. But I did get to see the beautiful baby again today. The mother is really very sweet and truly wants to be the best mother she can. She is willing to do whatever she can to provide for herself and her baby. Those are the clients that I love to work with...and tend to favor a little bit. Shhh dont tell!! :) Until next time!!

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Babies, Babies, and More Babies!!!

I survived the WIC office!!! It was actually yesterday (Wednesday) that it happened. I am pretty proud of myself at the moment too :) because when I walked in with my client, there were 3, yes I repeat 3 other newborn babies in the waiting room. No tears...I just smiled at all of them.

I think this is a huge step for me. I have been so angry and bitter for the past year (almost) and I think I am finally getting to a better place. Of course a year ago this time we didnt have any idea what was wrong with me. It really seems like it's been longer than that. Because this time last year I was getting ready to make an appointment with my RE to get everything started. look where we are. Still waiting...

So, I have a new client. She is a brand new mother. Her baby is literally only 6 days old (born on Halloween). She is the one that I took to the WIC office yesterday. She is ADORABLE. Full head of curly black hair. The mother is so sweet and genuine. I really am going to enjoy working with her. She told me her fears of being a new mother and I tried to reassure her that a lot of new mothers probably have the same fears as she. She seemed to calm down after that. :) I found myself just being so envious of what she now has. I dont know any other way to explain it.

Hubby will have completed 60 days come this Saturday. Whoo hoo!! Im sooo proud of him. I will be completing this cycle within the next week also. Please keep your fingers crossed for us!! Im really hoping something happens soon. I do not want to go back on BCP!

By the way...just wanted to add that I am so proud of America. I really feel like we have made an excellent decision this election with Obama. I know things are going to be tough in the beginning, but I have a lot of faith that he will carry us through. Im so excited to start 2009!! :)

Monday, November 3, 2008

State Finals!! And updates :)

One more marching season is done. We finished in 6th place at State Finals on Saturday. Not really what we were hoping for (we were hoping at least top 5), but you cant change the judges opinions :) We had a wonderful season! I am so very proud of my girls and all the kids in the band. Im looking forward to a wonderful winterguard season. Oh yes, it starts again, but with just the guard this in a couple weeks. :) Here are some pics from Saturday for your viewing pleasure! Before heading to warmup...we were waiting here for waaay too long. (N, I hope you dont mind I put this pic up, let me know if it's not okay) These are my two techs (that's me in the middle) all decked out in our snazzy suits! Our entire staff had on suits for this past Saturday. We were all pretty spiffy ;) My four upper classmen, who sometimes drive me nuts....but I dont know what I would do without them.

All six of my girls at their final physical warmup of the season. Like I said, it was a great season! We had a blast (most of the time), but now it's on to Winterguard :)

Not feeling the greatest right now. Ive been going to the bathroom like crazy today...and I think I have finally hit a lull in that situation. Other than that, Im feeling a little achy and blah. Hoping it goes away asap. I dont like being sick. Especially since I dont want to take anything to help get me better...just in case.

Im on CD 18 today and hubby is on day 55 of no alcohol. Im so proud of him! Im telling you every time I say that, it makes him sound like an alcoholic, but for those of you who missed my previous post, at my last Dr. visit, I was told to make him do 90 days of no alcohol to see if that helped our situation. If Im not pregnant within that amount of time, I will have to go back on BCP and he will do another SA to see if it helped his morphology or not. Well, BCP until we decide to go through with another IUI. Hubby will then have to do another 90 days of no alcohol if that happens. Lets pray that we have good news by Christmas!! That would be awesome. We shall see.

I just wanted to apologize. I again, was not very good with the ICLW. Marching season is probably not the best time to do that. I will remember that for future reference! I will definitely do better this month. I should have lots more time to post and comment!

This is a really long post...but one last thing. The family I talked about in my last post had started to make a soft spot with me. Well, the end of last week, they were kicked out of the shelter they were staying in because the kids were too out of control and she apparantly was not doing much to try to control them. Also, one of the kids put a book in the microwave, started it, and it caught on fire. They dont know which one it was. It makes me sad more than anything to know that there are so many services that she needed to be hooked up with, but I didnt get the chance to help her with them because she was booted from shelter. All it's going to take is the right person to witness her and the kids interaction and they will probably be taken from her. Which again, makes me sad. She just needed some guidance along with some positive reinforcement for the kids. Im really struggling with the fact that we couldnt get her the services she needed before she was told to leave. The mentality at the shelter is....she's gone, we are happy, it's no longer our problem, but someone else's. Which tears my heart in two.