Yep, that's right, today is CD#1 for me. Couldnt even make it to the freaking blood test on Tuesday. BFN for another flipping cycle. So, I called the doctor's office and left a message (they probably wont be able to understand it). Time to start thinking about the next flipping cycle. Ive got lots of questions before we poor another $3000 into a cycle. Yeah, that's right, $3000. You're probably thinking WTF??!! Yeah, the things we do and sacrifice to make our one little dream become a reality. We cant afford to do a 3rd cycle. We really cant even afford to do this 2nd cycle, but damnit we will make it happen. If we have to pinch pennies (which we will), that's what we are going to do.
I am pretty much devastated at this point. Also, extremely pissed. I got my hopes up yet again, and what happens? They come crashing down on top of me. Im not really sure how much longer I can endure this. It's slowly breaking me down every step we have to take. I find myself getting even more emotional at the end of each cycle. And by the way, how was I the lucky one to get Endo, when no one else in my fucking family has it???!!!! It doesnt really seem right does it? It's really crappy.
Baby shower. Yeah, Im really not looking forward to it now. I was dreading going in the first place, but now, I really dont want to go at all. I already RSVP'd so I feel like I have to make an appearance. However, I could do what she did to me, show up, give her the gift and tell her that Im sorry, but I just cant stay because I have something else going on. Im not like that though. I wont be able to do it.
Alright...Im not sure if I can handle another busted cycle, but Im gonna try. I need a vacation. A long vacation at that.
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3 comments:
I'm so sorry! I hate getting my hopes up and then being disappointed yet again. I'm also sorry you have to go to a baby shower right after that news. If it were me--I would make my husband make plans with me so I had to leave quickly. Good luck. I'm SO sorry!
I hate that we live in 2 week cycles: 2 weeks to ovulation, 2ww. I'm so sorry that you had your hopes dashed again. Good luck at the baby shower. Vacations are good... we just went to the beach and relaxed and it was great fun.
Megs! I am RIGHT THERE WITH YOU!!! All of your feelings, I HAVE them! I'm so sorry it didn't work this time. You have to keep going, even if that means sacrifices. We are right there with you guys on everything you're going through, except the endo, but we have our own unique difficulties. I think the only things getting me through this are: prayer, support from others, support from husband, and Zoloft.
We need to get really drunk this weekend camping!!!!!
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