CD #27

I have to make it to CD #30 before I can know any outcome at this point. Im extremely, extremely nervous at this point. Hubby wants me to POAS, but I just cant bring myself to do it. I want to, but Im really scared at this point. I had some spotting yesterday, which also really scares me. However, that would have been 11 days past ovulation, and it could just be implantation bleeding. Im really keeping my fingers crossed that's what it was. It wasnt even hardly anything either, so that could be a good thing. Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!! Im about to go nuts!!!

We started cleaning up our spare bedroom today. This is the anticipation that we are both feeling. We sat in the room afterward for like 30 minutes just talking about our possible future. I wanted to cry. What if this never happens for us? I will be devastated. We havent really discussed options because I cant bring myself to think in that way. I dont want to. I wont right now.

Baby shower tomorrow. Totally dreading the whole thing. Do you think it would be rude for me to just stay for an hour and then get the hell out of there? I dont think so. Besides, I do actually have a family cookout to go to tomorrow also. Oh yeah, and she was the "friend" who didnt come to my wedding (which Im still a little pissed about 2 years later). And also the "friend" who told me that DH and I should just stop trying because that's what worked for her and her husband. Oh and let me add one more...she told me that I shouldnt be upset that she was pregnant, I should be happy because if she were in my situation she would be really happy for me (all in an email mind you). Gee, thanks so much for your assvice. Am I overreacting? My best friend says no, and that she definitely wouldnt be going if in my situation. I have a really hard time saying no to people. So, I will suck it up, teeth clenched, and fake smile for the hour that I have to be there. Im not really sure if I can maintain my composure while she is opening all of those gifts. So, an hour it will probably be and I will get my ass out of there. Sounds good to me! :)

Only three more days....only three more days....thinking positive thoughts as best I can. With DH behind me saying we'll be painting that room in no time and filling it with lots of love. (fingers crossed)