Camping!!!

So Im back from Indy, but ready to pack again so that we can go camping for the long weekend. I took off work tomorrow so that we can pack everything up and get there early since hubby has to work tomorrow night. Im ready to get away for a weekend. The last two to three days I feel like I have been going non-stop. I had to sit through a two-day conference, which really was not the greatest, but didnt really have to fork out any money for anything, so that was nice.

We had a nice surprise in our hotel last night. We shared the hotel with the Cincinnati Bengals, who were in town to play the Colts today. So I got to see lots of big, huge NFL football players. It was kind of cool, even though I had no idea who any of them were. Yeah, I dont keep up on my football, sorry.

So, not much else to discuss other than I havent seen my hubby since early Tuesday morning and Im ready to spend a long weekend with him. We enjoy camping, but we need to get away for a weekend just the two of us. I have been plotting a fun getaway just for me and him that I think he will absolutely love! Details soon to come! ;)

I've Been Slacking

Yes, I will admit it. I have not been posting like I had been. So sorry about that. My posts probably wont be as often as they were since we are taking a little break for the time being. I dont really have a whole lot to discuss at this point because my life is not too exciting outside of TTC. Right now, hubby and I are just having lots of fun. Especially after that almost two week episode of not being able to have any fun :).

So, these next 3 or so months are going to be hard for hubby and I. We have three cousins who are getting ready to have babies. One is due in September, then October, and then in November. Im not gonna lie, Christmas is going to be really, really hard for me. As Im sure it will be for hubby also. Who knows, maybe we will be able to do this on our own. But somehow, my faith in that is not so great at this point. So...we shall see.

And why is it that after every failed cycle, everyone feels the need to ask if you have thought about adoption. Im sorry, but we are not ready for that and I dont know that we will ever be. Hubby and I discussed it the other night and he is pretty set on us not going to that point. Adoption is expensive and we are just not real sure that is the final route we want to take. Yes, it's been two years now, but I dont even want to think about that at this point. Especially when my Doctor has been so confident that I will get pregnant. I dont know...again, we shall see.

On that note, I will be out of town for the next couple of days for work. Not totally looking forward to it, but hopefully it will be alright. So, until then, hope everyone has a great week!

Words Cant Express My Gratitude

I have the most wonderful people in my life. I swear they are the greatest and Im really not sure what I would do without them in it. Everyone has been wonderful since AF arrived on Monday. I still wasnt the greatest on Tuesday, but I was getting better. Well, if you read a couple posts back, I talked about our homeless rat that has been staying with a coworker, who is one of the street guys who had to go in the hospital. Well, she is still with us at least until tomorrow. She has been my therapy this week. Every morning I go into work and the first thing I do is go and see her and she is there to greet everyone with such enthusiasm. She is the sweetest thing ever, I swear. And she really is a pretty rat (if that's possible...). But she is full of love and affection and will show it as soon as you let her out of her cage. So that has helped out a lot.

Tuesday, I was out of my office most of the day running around town with a coworker doing stuff with/for clients. Well, when I got back that afternoon, sitting on my desk was a wonderful arrangement from a store in our town called Cookies by Design. It was from my best friend. It had three huge flower cookies with one that had a message on it saying that she misses me. And then a card along with it that had a wonderful message from her. I love her so much and I wish that she were back here in e-ville. She will definitely be closer here in a couple months!

Wednesday evening, I met up with an old coworker of mine who just recently left our agency for another agency. We had Chinese and we talked about everything. She has been such a great friend when I have needed her. And she has followed me along this journey because we have been pretty close. She was also my Supervisor when I did my internship with our agency back in the fall of 05'. She has been the one that I go to with all my questions, comments, concerns, complaints, tears, etc. She is also my mentor because she is the best Social Worker ever! It also helps that we are so close in age. Well, when we were done, she insisted that she was going to buy my dinner. I definitely was not expecting that. She is so awesome!

Today, when I get to the office on my desk is a little bag. It was from Sister (the one who does the Reiki). She gave me a wonderful card, which really made me cry, again, and also a Wi.ll.ow T.ree ornament for Courage (which is one that I have been wanting). So thoughtful and wonderful.

Then, I get home tonight and check my mail and sitting on my front porch is a box. Hmmm. And it is from B. **Really, B, you did not have to do that, but you are definitely thoughtful and I love you for that! It was very very sweet of you to do that and I will definitely enjoy all of it!** For everyone else, B got me some fun smell good bath stuff and some candy :). She is so awesome!

So I have truly been blessed by everyone around me. I love them all so much and it has lifted my spirits more than you can possibly know. There are also a few family members that have been totally awesome the past couple of days in helping me get back out of my rut. I also got to spend some quality aunty time with my niece and nephew on tuesday. So I have really been trying to keep myself pretty busy this week and it's worked to keep my mind off of this whole thing.

Now it's time for hubby and I to take a break from treatments. There is just no way that we can afford to go on to a third cycle at this time. He wants to, but has finally figured out that we really need to pay off some debt before we do this again. So hopefully in no more than 6 months we will be back on our path, unless something were to happen between now and then. But until then, we are just going to have lots of fun ;). I have also decided that I am not going to go back on BCP because it totally defeats our purpose. I know, my endo will come back more quickly if I dont, but Im done with it. No more pills!!!!

And She Makes Her Grand Entrance

Yeah, it's official. There was no need for monitoring the rest of the day due to the fact I was in the bathroom 4 or 5 different times just to change. And this never happens to me. I am never this heavy. My best guess is that it's all those damn things I had at one point in both of my ovaries that didnt amount to diddly squat. Yeah, we arent even calling them what they were. So there. (Now I sound like a 5 year old)

So, I call the nurse in the morning to let her know there is no need for a blood test. Which of course breaks my heart. AF is here with a vengeance. I think I really pissed her off this time. She is definitely now telling me who is boss instead of the other way around like it's been for the past few weeks. Like I said, this is the worst I have ever been. The cramping is like every other time, but the bleeding, not so much.

Im scheduling an appointment with my Dr. as soon as possible. I want to know why they thought we had such a good chance, but it didnt happen. Maybe he can give me some kind of possible explanation. I know that nothing is ever 100%, but I still want to know something. The Man who knows the real explanation wont give me jack to keep in mind for next time. I am really angry now. It would be nice to just know what is expected of me.

I also want to find out from my Dr. how long we can wait so that it isnt like we would just be starting over again. Because we all know my confidence would probably be next to nil. Cant really say that I have much confidence in anything at this point anyway, but still. I need to know. We have to know what has to be done money-wise with the bills that have accumulated up to this point. Let me tell you...bills suck! Hopefully it will be alright to wait several months (probably no more than 6).

I want to say thank you for the support that everyone has shown. It really is wonderful being able to vent on here and not having anyone judge you for the things that you say/write. So thank you. I really appreciate it.

What did We Do??!!!

What did we do to deserve this? Im pretty sure that all hope is lost yet again for this cycle. I woke up this morning and had some pretty bad cramping and the usual "feeling" along with the wonderful (this is kind of gross), but diarrhea. It happens every time, that's how I pretty much know that this cycle is over. Yet again. The Dr. office told me to monitor today and see if it gets worse and if so, they will cancel my blood test on Wednesday. Well, we might as well cancel the damn thing now.

Seriously...what did we do to deserve this?? We have done everything we are supposed to do. Are we being punished for something? I dont understand how you can want something so much and be so ready for it only for it to be shattered one month after another. Just to let you know, we are now going on 2 years the end of August. I mean really, when does it end? When do we get our outcome that we have been trying for, for so long? I DONT UNDERSTAND!!!!!!!!

Everything with this cycle had went so well. I had at least 4 mature follicles, I ovulated when I was supposed to, both IUI's were successful, and DH's count and motility were exceptional. I mean come on. What more do I have to do to get this to work???!!! That was our last cycle we could afford to do. At least until we get some of our bills paid down. I dont have the confidence that we can do this ourselves. That is really sad and pathetic.

I stayed home from work today. There wouldnt be any concentration on my part at all, Im sure. So I figured I would stay home and snuggle with my hubby and then of course, I have been bawling my eyes out pretty much the entire morning. I just dont understand. Why is this happening to us?!

10dpo: Ready to Pull Out My Hair

Yes, it's a fact. I. Am. Ready. To. Pull. Out. My. Hair. No joke. This is the worst part of the cycle. Waiting. And when you really dont have anything to do because hubby is working the entire weekend (we really need the extra money), you really start to lose it. I could go to Tar.get, but then I know I would not come out empty-handed. It's a given fact. I could work on my scrapbook, but I dont think I really have the patience to right now. I could write dance for the opening song for my guard girls, but Im not supposed to be excessively exercising (and would definitely fall into that category). So, what am I doing? Surfing the internet, listening to iTunes. Really not what I would call occupying my time very wisely. I could also do some laundry, but dangit I just dont want to. It's usually my Sunday thing anyway, and why break a ritual? :)

So I have a good story to tell...it involves my job. A lot of the population that I work with are severely mentally ill. And let me tell you, I have learned so much about Schizophrenia, Bipolar Disorder, Personality Disorders, etc. Things that you really cant know about until you have actually experienced it first hand. Well, yesterday (Friday) we were stopping in the men's shelter (Friday ritual for Outreach, where we take shirts, socks, food, hygiene, to the guys who stay out on the streets of e-ville), we usually take a couple workers from our local Mental Health team to speak with individuals if need to. Well, a gentlemen walked up to one of them and asked if they were on the clock. And then asked if he could speak with them. Well, it ends up the individual is definitely very mentally ill and suicidal. He agrees to go to the hospital only if we can help him find someone to take care of his "companion", which he had in the shelter with him. So, in his duffel bag, hiding, was his "companion". So long story short, we managed to find someone to watch the companion while he stays in the hospital. Turns out his companion is a domesticated rat. She is actually rather cute and very sweet.

When we went to meet the workers at the hospital to take the "companion" he got her out of her cage. It really almost brought tears to my eyes because as he was saying his goodbyes, you could tell that this was the one thing that was probably keeping him from taking his own life. He was telling her that she was going to be okay and that he would see her when he got back out of the hospital after the weekend. He told us what she liked to eat and even told us how she liked to be scratched on her back. When we left he had tears in his eyes.

So, she is definitely being taken care of by one of my coworkers this weekend. The really cool thing about this is that the individual had a note from a clinic somewhere in California that stated he needed to be able to keep the rat with him at all times, because she was his therapy and was what kept him going. I find it amazing the connections we make with our pets or companions, whichever you want to say. I know that I would not want to have to leave my Blazer, ever. I would be devastated. I could also definitely see the bond that he and his companion had. She was just as connected to him as he was her. So I really hope that he can get back on medication and get out of the hospital soon in order to be reunited with his companion. I think that was definitely the highlight of my day yesterday. It really was amazing.

I tell you there is never a dull day with my job, but that has been one of the best. It really has been an eye opening two years of employment. Let me just throw this out there, the individuals I work with have so many barriers to employment that it just kills me when I hear people say "they just need to get a job". Yeah, it really doesn't always work that way. I think nearly 98% of the people I have worked with have had some kind of illness hindering them from getting and sustaining employment. Just wanted to throw that out there :). On that note...I think I've decided I am going to go to T.ar.get.

To Post or Not to Post...That Really Is the Question

I really dont have a whole lot to discuss this evening. Life has been pretty boring the past couple of days. I havent really been able to enjoy my deck just yet since I havent been home most nights, but I bet you that I will this weekend! Im extremely glad it's the weekend. This week was long and it was exhausting. Now, Im just counting down the days...

Which brings me to my question. Im in a dilemma. There are several people that know exactly what is going on with hubby and I at this moment and also know that we should have an answer very soon to this cycle. I think I brought this up back in June, but Im bringing it up again because Im not sure what to do. I also have several people that read my blog, which are family (mainly my SIL and a couple cousins) and a couple select friends. However, Im not sure that I want people to know my results right away. So, do I just not post the results and keep everyone in the actual blogging world ripping their hair out in suspense? (hehe) Or do I just go to invite only and keep out a few select people that I actually see down here in Southern Indiana? Oh complication. Hubby and I havent really discussed it this cycle. My biggest fear is that it will be positive, lots of people will know, and then something will happen. I mean, it will only have been 2 weeks. Yeah, I dont know. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

So Ive been feeling decent. Im a little tired, but I think it's just because it's the end of the week. Ive been peeing a lot, but I think it's only because of the shitload of Gatorade I have been drinking. Im still bloated, I know that. Now Im just nervous, and hoping that every little "symptom" means something. I really think I might make myself nuts waiting until Wednesday. However, Im taking my SIL's advice and refraining from POAS until after my blood test. Then of course I will either have to take a picture when I do pee, or save them until 6 or more months down the road when we have paid off some bills.

Is it a bad thing that I have virtually given up all hope of conceiving w/o the help of a third party? I think it is. We just tried for so long, it's hard to believe that if it doesnt happen this time with the help of medicine, that it would happen with us by ourselves. It might be crazy, but that's really hard to shake. It's also really hard just thinking about it. And if we do try ourselves, my endo will begin to come back very soon which will cause me to probably have to have another surgery. Damn, this sucks!

For Your Viewing Pleasure

So...I promised that when the deck was done, I would post pictures! Well, they came Tuesday morning to start...and they finished Tuesday afternoon! Whoo hoo!! Now all we have to do is treat and stain it! It's much bigger than our last deck, which is what we wanted of course, but now we have room to put our grill on it, and also a high bar type table. That will have to be next year though...money is running a little tight.

This is a straight on view from our back yard. I love this deck by the way if you couldnt tell :) The storm door is also going to be replaced next year, hopefully! It's old fashioned and needs updating!

To the left of the steps we are just going to put some white rock I think with a couple plants. We cant put too much there because our hose box will also be there.

Oh yes...we will be putting lattice around the bottom of the deck so that it's not open. The kicker, our crawl space is right next to the deck, which is also where the stairs were that we semi-busted up. We also plan to do landscaping around the side and the front of the deck. This will all have to wait of course...money. And Blaze decided he needed to be in the picture :)

So this is the new deck! Im very happy with it. Hubby definitely is too. Yes, we need to mow. :)

So while I had my camera out, I had to take a picture of our walkway that we did this spring. It turned out really well. The pavers were already there, but there were a bunch more because he (the owner before us) had just laid them out together to make a sidewalk. There was no seperation. This is definitely much better! Blaze wanted to be in the picture again...oh yeah, the dead grass spots, those are from Blaze's pee. I swear it's got some kind of acid or something in it.

And finally....this is my Hyacinth Bean vine. It's just green right now, but here before too long it will start blooming with purple pods, purple flowers, and the backs of the leaves will be a real dark purple. This was the first year that I planted it because I just got it from a coworker, but I hear that it's beautiful! I will take more pics later when it turns. And it's actually growing up my gutter as of tonight...craziness!! However, if your pets like to eat your plants...this would not be a good one to have.

So...that's that! It's going to be really nice to have this new deck and not worry about possibly falling through or off the steps. :) Haha! On the whole fertility thing...still feeling bloated with little twinges of cramping, but nothing major. I am now 7 dpo. Testing next Wednesday...yikes! I have to admit, I am a little bit scared. Im also very impatient right now...because I just want to know, dangit! I might cheat and POAS.

CD #19: One more week to go!!!!

Okay...so I found out some good news today. I only have to go one more week before I go in for my blood test! Whoo hoo!!! It is next Wednesday morning. Now I just have to figure out something to keep me busy until then!

My appointment went well this morning. I had my b/w done and then an ultrasound. They just wanted to look at my ovaries to make sure they were looking good. And they are huge!! Which is a good thing! I am on restrictions until we find out any news next week. No heavy lifting, no excessive exercising, lots of electrolytes, and last...which my hubby definitely wont like...no intercourse. Haha...poor guy! It's only for a week though, at least until we find out something.

Still feeling bloated today, but not quite as bad. I still get little twinges of cramps every so often, but Im good. Im trying to drink lots of Gatorade. I am still doing pretty well with very little caffeine. I will be weened off in no time! :)

CD#18: Bloated much?!

Yes, I am. Very. Bloated. Im also still a little crampy. Im not as bad as I have been the past few days, but I am definitely still bloated. One of my coworkers made the nice little comment that I better get used to it. Well, if I knew for sure that there was going to be something wonderful coming out of it, I would be okay, but since I still have no idea, I dont like it.

Okay, Im gonna ask tomorrow if there is any way that I can find out any sooner than 32 days about this cycle. Because Im usually a 28-29 day cycler and dangit, Im impatient. I mean, there could be an exception made right? Of course there can! I could use the guilt with how much pain they put me through during my 2 IUI's last week, but Im thinking they probably really arent too worried about that.

Excellent news...we are getting our new deck put in tomorrow! Whoo hoo!! Im ready for the mess to go away from where we busted up the concrete (from underneath the old one). I will definitely post pics once it's done. Even though there wont be any landscaping yet. Havent been able to afford to do any big landscaping this year with everything else that is going on and we certainly wont be able to do any around the deck probably until next summer. The most we might do is put some rock down in a small section where we took out an extra slab of concrete. I dont have any before pictures...but I think I would be too embarassed to put those on the internet. It was looking pretty bad I must say. So I will post pics in a couple of days!

As I said earlier, Doctor appointment in the a.m. Just a progesterone level check. I dont think I have to get an ultrasound. I cant really remember if they did the last cycle or not. Oh well if I have to, Im so used to being violated every time I walk into that office now it really doesnt even matter anymore.

Getting Nervous....

Well, my nervousness is definitely setting in. It's going to take all I have to get through these next two weeks. I am so anxious about the end of this cycle it is going to make me crazy! I am trying to be optimistic about it with both IUI's being great and the number of follies that I had, but it's really, really hard.

I have been so bloated the past few days, Im almost to the point of being miserable. However, Im going to push through it. :) Well, at least I hope that I will. Im trying really hard anyway. Not much else to say today. I go back to the Doctor Tuesday morning to get my progesterone level checked. Then I will find out when I go back to get a blood test. I will try to refrain from POAS as much as possible. However, I bought a package of three today.

By the way...my mom has jinxed me and in the process, jinxed herself. She told me the other night that if DH and I were to have more than 1 she would buy one of our cribs. I told her that I would like to get a positive test first and then we will go from there.

I couldnt resist looking at nursery furniture today at T.ar.get. Hubby was with me. He was scared someone we knew was going to see us and start asking questions. I just laughed. He was pretty impressed with the strollers and the fact that some of them have "shocks" on them which was pretty funny. We are both so ready for this to happen. We are hoping and praying that here in a couple weeks we will have something to celebrate.

We busted up concrete yesterday that was under our old deck. It's a mess now. I cant wait for the new deck to be put on this week. Hopefully they will come on Tuesday and get started. That would be awesome! Im excited that we are just a few days away from having a nice new deck that we can actually have room to relax on. It will be wonderful!

Tag...You're It!!

**So I was tagged with this by.... someone who will remain anonymous ;)

Rules: Answer each question with one word and tag four others to play.

1. Where is your cell phone? Purse

2. Your significant other? Bestfriend

3. Your hair? Curly

4. Your mother? Pushy

5. Your father? Stubborn

6. Your favorite thing? Couch

7. Your dream last night? Uniforms

8. Your favorite drink? Sunkist :(

9. Your dream/goal? Mother

10. The room you're in? Office

11. Your hobby? Colorguard

12. Your fear? Fire

13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Wadesville

14. What you're not? Optimistic

15. Muffins? Blueberry

16. One of your wish list items? Job

17. Where you grew up? Poseyville
18. The last thing you did? Drove

19. What are you wearing? Shorts

20. Favorite Gadget? iPod

21. Your pet? Spoiled

22. Your computer? Office

23. Your mood? Blah

24. Missing someone? Yes

25. Your car? Guzzler

26. Something you are not wearing? Shoes

27. Favorite Store? Target

28. Like someone? Love

29. Your favorite color? Blue

30. When is the last time you laughed? Today

31. Last time you cried? Tuesday

**My turn...Im going to tag.... ctagsgirl, faith, i believe in miracles, and Katie

CD #15: The Wait Begins

Hello to all! Sorry I didnt update yesterday! It was a late night with teaching colorguard. So on with the news...well, I guess that's what you would call it. Yesterday went alright I guess. They had to call in reinforcements yet again. The Nurse Practitioner tried once after readjusting the nice speculum twice, said she made me bleed a little, which apparantly is not uncommon considering how much they had to do on Wednesday. So, after she could not get it the first time she called for backup. My hilarious Doctor (her husband).

I think he is very good at making light of an intense situation. When he came in he asked the nurse to hand him his hockey gloves *haha*. So then he proceeds to tell me about a joke he played on one of his patients quite a few years ago (because he coached hockey and knew her husband, who was a hockey player). He said he had a hockey glove hidden behind his back when he came in to do the procedure and he thought he was going to get kicked. Can't say that I would blame her! :)

Well, on with the procedure we go. Of course once he was seated and ready the speculum just had to be adjusted yet again, however, he used the nice forceps also (I think that's what they were). So he then begins to make small talk...awkward much?? And I cant help but laugh, which really doesnt feel good, and my DH is cracking up beside me also. Really glad we could find the situation so hilarious. So my doctor then tells me that he has to 'reposition' everything. Okay, so by everything you mean the speculum right? HAHA...that would have been too easy. Oh yes ladies, he repositioned the goods, meaning my cervix and my uterus. Can we say major, major uncomfortable cramping?? I wanted to be sick to my stomach. However, he did give me fair warning (you will feel some cramping right about....now). And then, the specimen was in! Didnt feel that thankfully. Then I get another commentary (the cramping will stop right about....now), and it did. Can we say OUCH!!!! I was extremely thankful when I could just lay there without anything hanging out of my whoo ha.

I warned my doctor that for all of that, I better get pregnant this time! He just laughed and said that's what we want too. So mind you on top of all of the cramping I was already feeling extremely bloated and gassy due to ovulating, so my biggest fear was that something was going to escape at the worst possible time. Thankfully, it didnt! :) haha. I think my DH was hoping that it would just so he could make fun of me for it later.

Before we left I asked the nurse what my odds for this cycle were. You know, considering I had at least 4 mature follies, possibly 5 or 6, and she said that our chances should be very good. Still not 100%. Both IUI's were successful with the specimen going exactly where it needed to be, definitely ovulated when I was supposed to, and had some great follies. And the Hope returns for the time being.

I go back in on Tuesday to get my Progesterone levels checked and make sure it is where it needs to be and then we wait. We wait until CD #32-35. Which by the way, really, really sucks!! That is a really long time from now. That's actually over 2 weeks. I am really praying this time and trying to keep that hope alive. I really feel like I have been in such a better place this cycle with my emotions and everything. Not sure what the change was, but it's been nice. Im hanging on with everything I have.

The next two days will be occupied with busting up concrete that was under our old deck. That should make it go by a little bit quicker. We will be getting our new deck put in mid-week next week. Im excited! That's our big project for this year. Next year it will be a new roof. Im trying to take it easy tonight as Im still not feeling totally up to par (lots of fullness in the lower midsection...). I probably wont be busting the concrete tomorrow, it will be hubby, FIL, and my brother. I will be keeping the cold drinks coming.

CD #13: One down, One to go

IUI #1 was done today. I started to get the feeling at one point that my cervix was really not going to cooperate with us. I was supposed to start the procedure around 11:30, they didnt call me back until almost 11:45. Then, hubby and I got to wait for the nurse until at least 12. It's really not fun when you are sitting there with just a thin sheet over your lap. It tends to get a little bit chilly.

So the nurse had some trouble threading the catheter again this cycle. Luckily, my Dr. was actually in the office with his wife who is the Nurse Practitioner. So, when she came in she sent the nurse to get another instrument (as Im laying there with my legs wide open and a speculum inserted into my goods). So the nurse comes back a couple minutes later with, oh yes, forceps (i think that's the spelling). You know it's a slight problem when they have to bring in the forceps. I mean really...come on. Of course she then had to readjust the speculum to get the forceps in and then we finally had success. By this time, it was like 12:15. I am so incredibly thankful that my Dr. was down here today and not in Indy. I do believe that the Nurse Practitioner is going to be doing my IUI again tomorrow just in case. Hopefully we dont have to pull out the forceps again because dangit, those gave me a little bit of cramping (on top of the pinching you already have). And then of course I get the nice plastic sponge shoved in that has to stay in for 3-4 hours.

Sorry if that was a little graphic, but dang, it was a little painful today. I should be ovulating tonight and then I will go back in tomorrow around 10:30 to do the whole process over. Come on little sperm!! Swim, swim, swim to those nice mature eggs!!! :) This is short, Im tired, goodnight!

CD #12: What Happens Next??

Well....the nurse decided to wait until the very end of the day today to give me a call back. I was extremely worried because we have come this far and to cancel the IUI's would just be craziness. However, I do understand the concern. With that said, I will be going in around 11:30 tomorrow to have my first IUI for this cycle done!!!! WHOO HOO!!!! Then Thursday I will be back in to have the 2nd one done. So, lets go back to the beginning shall we??

So when the nurse walked in the door she asked how I was feeling. Which they do pretty much every time. I am feeling a little bloated and full at this point. So she then says, "well, I would definitely think so with all those little guys in there". (I think this is the most she has talked to me at one time) So she's measuring all of my little follies and when she is done she says, lets have a look at the measurements. Well, on my left ovary I have one follie that is around a 20/21 and then another one that is about a 15. Then on my right side I have 3 follies that are 19, 19, and 18 with one more at about a 16. So, lets just say if one of these cute little follies dont evolve into something more, I will definitely scream.

Well, we are talking about how good they all look and that I will definitely be having the IUI's soon and the nurse says she needs to inform me of something. Basically if the Dr. would have decided that my risk of having multiples was too great after looking at my u/s and my b/w (we're talking 3,4,5 multiples) then he might cancel the cycle. Yes, I started to tear up. I appreciate her telling me this ahead of time so that when she called (if that was the outcome) I wouldnt be in total shock. However, it was rather upsetting. So I kept my fingers crossed all day long and apparantly it worked because that was the first question she asked me when she called me back. Then she said it definitely paid off :)

Yes, Im pretty excited right now. Because seriously, with that many follicles ready to go I would think that we would get SOMETHING out of them. And if we dont, well, we will cross that bridge if/when we come to it. So now it's time to stock up on HPT. I used my last ones with the last cycle. Ive been doing pretty good not buying them like crazy, until now. Until next time!!

Quick Update...

So I had another u/s and b/w this morning. I have 4 follicles that are between 18-20 and are ready to go. I also have at least 1-2 more that could be mature by the time the IUI takes place. So, Im informed that if the doctor feels that the risk of multiples is too great, he will cancel the cycle. Okay, so I totally understand that having multiples puts a greater risk on everything, but with my track record, Im not so sure that I would end up with 5 or 6 babies. Well, at least I would hope not. So, I am awaiting my phone call from the nurse right now to let me know what Dr. B decides once he looks at both my u/s and my b/w. Let's pray that my cycle does not get cancelled. I will give another update this evening when I know something more definite and have time to write more.

CD #10: Good news!!

Well...today was my u/s and b/w after the first 5 days of injections. Needless to say, those follies are growing like weeds!!! WHOO HOO!!!!!! Im super excited right now. I have like 4 decent size follies on my left ovary (the biggest one at about a 15, 13, 12, and a couple little ones) and then a couple good size ones on the right ovary (the biggest at about a 14 I think it was). So, this is great news!! My lining is also at about a 7 and I think they want it to be around an 8 for when they do the IUI.

I go back to the doctor Tuesday morning for another u/s and more b/w. Hopefully then the IUI's will be administered around Thursday which would put me at CD 14. They also decreased my dosage for the next two days back to 75. Im thinking they dont want too many follies growing too big because Lord knows I really dont want to end up with a litter :). Yeah, I know, how many times have we cringed when we have heard those words. I just had to! Yes I am pretty excited about this. The more follicles there are ready, the greater my chances of getting a BFP.

Im definitely going to do Reiki. I dont remember if I said that in my last post. If so, sorry, you are hearing it again! :) I mean really, it cant hurt anything. It will only make it all better. And I definitely trust Sister M with what she is doing. She is such a wonderful person/nun. Hopefully it will relieve tension/negative energy/stress. Im kind of excited about it actually. It should be really interesting.

So I have been in a great mood this cycle so far (for the most part) and Im really hoping that it can continue. Im trying not to get my hopes up too much about this cycle, but really, it's so hard. I know that it will happen no matter what I do. Which is okay for now. So I'm gonna start yodelling, praying, chanting, crossing everything, etc.

Stepbrothers was alright. Most of it was so stupid it was just hilarious. My DH definitely got a kick out of it. It was really nice to get a good laugh. Havent really had one of those for a long time. So it was nice. We have had a nice day together. Now we will go back to not seeing each other but for like 10 minutes in the mornings until this weekend. This 2nd shift stuff can be hard.

CD #9

So the hours tick on and tomorrow morning I go in to get my follies and my lining checked. Also to make sure all of my levels from my b/w are where they need to be. Im really hoping I have a few good size follicles to keep growing for the IUI.

Im thinking that my IUI's are going to fall sometime the end of this week. I guess it all depends on how they look tomorrow and then at my next u/s. Especially since tomorrow is CD #10, that would mean days 14-16 are around the end of the week. In June the IUI's were performed on days 15 and 16.

So Im still praying that my body is not going to try to ovulate too soon so that I dont have to take the Cetritide. Im not real sure that stopping my body from ovulating on command is such a good thing. Of course, then I would do another injection to actually make it ovulate when it should. To me, that just doesnt quite seem right. However, I know that everything has to be timed so precisely and my follicles need to be a certain size and so on and so on. Ahhh...here come the crazy emotions again! :)

Well, to be honest I really havent been back on my emotional rollercoaster this month. Im thinking here in a few days it will probably start kicking in and I will have to go along for the ride. We shall see what happens. As for now, Im enjoying the rest from the constant ups and downs. Hubby and I are spending some quality time together tomorrow and going to see a movie (Stepbrother) that Im sure we will be peeing in our pants from laughter. It should be great!

As for my quitting the caffeine intake that I posted the other day. Im doing decent. I have limited myself to 1 a day. And Im doing pretty good with that. I did really well the first day and only drank water. So Im really working on it, I promise. Those no-caffeine headaches are killer I tell you! Im not doing so hot with the prenatals. Im horrible at remembering to take any kind of medication (other than the injections, not sure it's possible to forget you have to do those). Im working on it though. It's just going to take a little time! I will update tomorrow night with the results from my u/s in the morning. Until then....

CD #8: Reiki, anyone??

So this has been a really long week. It's hard to go back to work after a week long vacation of not working. So needless to say I am totally ready for the weekend. I. Am. Exhausted! Could it also be from all the extra hormones I have been injecting for the past 3 nights? It very well could be.

I work with an amazingly wonderful person. She has helped me through so much for the past 6 months or so. She has been my shoulder to cry on and someone that I can also vent to. She knows just what to say and when to say it. She truly is a Godsend. I think she was put in my life for a special purpose. She is a Sister with the Daughters of Charity. (I will refer to her as Sister M from now on) She is our Community Liason within our agency. Sister M also goes to one of our local shelters and provides massages for the men once a week. She is wonderful! Well, the other day Sister M came to me and asked if I had been doing anything other than the injections for the IUI. I wasn't really sure what she meant and she said she was wondering if I would like for her to do Reiki either right before my next IUI or while I am doing my IUI. I had never heard of Reiki so she explained. Basically it has to do with spiritual energy and healing. (I never knew she practiced this and she had never really talked about it) If you want to know a little more information click http://holisticonline.com/reiki/hol_reiki_home.htm. (Sorry, I dont know how to do shortcuts to links without copying the whole thing, if someone can help me out that would be cool. Im a little computer illiterate when it comes to that)

So...Sister M brought me some pamphlets and apparantly she can do this healing touch without me even being present. She said all she has to do is know when I am going in to do the procedure and she will make some quiet time during that and do Reiki. I dont have the money to do accupuncture, so Im thinking why not? Has anyone else ever heard of this? She says she has done it for people on several occasions when they have something important or stressful going on in their lives. Im all for anything that might possibly destress me. So Im thinking this could be kind of interesting. Let me know, anyone have any thoughts about this?

Sunday is the first big u/s after 5 days of injections. Im getting a little nervous. I still have my Cetritide from the last cycle that I didnt have to use and Im really hoping I dont have to use it this time. I will have to use it if my body is trying to ovulate too early. It's also something that I actually have to mix together myself (which is scary) and the needle is longer and a bit bigger. So Im praying my body will cooperate and not try to do something it isnt supposed to do yet. Im sure I have a greater chance with the upped dosage this cycle, but Im hoping for the best.